The Dead Body Driver: A Christmas Story

Part 1: The meeting

I always get homesick when I am away from home, why would now be any different? I'm thousands of miles away from my hometown in China, walking down Oxford street, all alone on Chrstmas Eve; not that it means anything to me other than I have nothing to do and noone to talk to.
They could have waited until after the holidays to send me to this tinsel-infested city but no, I had to come now to recruit new sales representatives for my hardware company....how stupid can you get?

My feet stop in front of the strangest pub I have ever seen so far, my jaw drops as I stare at the hellish entrance..

"The Bucket of Blood"

I wonder whether they serve food with that.

I enter the Bucket of Blood and the blast of the music hurts my ears; THUNDER! Ahh ahhh ahh THUNDER! THUNDERSTRUCK!

"Half a pint lager please." I answer the polite request of the bar woman whose face is painfully covered in silver earrings. Her hair is completely shaved and I can see the strange tattoos on the skin of her skull...this is a strange place indeed!

The beer tastes good, the music is too loud and the open coffin gaping next to me gives me the chills.

"Merry Christmas" I mutter to the skull perched on top of the shiny cask and raise my glass.

"Paying respect to the dead shows intelligence and culture!"
My neck snaps to the left towards the booming voice that manages to blanket the music almost completely.
Rubbing the side of my neck I look at the bulky, bearded man standing next to me gesturing to the bar woman for a refill.

"Of course, as a Chinese man yourself, you have both.." he said.
"Have what?" I asked still observing, perhaps rudely, the giant next to me.
"Intelligence and culture..." he said picking up a beer glass the size of a bucket into his meaty hands.
"The name is Ian. Very Pleased to meet you."
"Enders." I answered and raised my glass.
"So, What brings you here Enders?" he asked raising a bushy eyebrow.
"Boredom!"
"No, I mean the country.." He added
"How do you know I am new to the country?"
"You smell like airport."
"I came two days ago! Anyway, I am recruiting."
"Bloody Hell!" He shouted and I almost fell off my stool, "So Am I! What are you looking for?"
"Sales representatives for my company in Shanghai."
Ian laughed and shook his head.
"I know it's pathetic....and you?"
"I am looking for someone to help me on my next trip." the man said and emptied his glass.
"Are you a scientist?"
"No" Ian said and banged his glass on the counter. "I work for the Dead Body Driver." he announced and waved for a refill.
My eyes are glued on the bearded face.

"So you do know what I am talking about.....I'm glad! I'll skip all the time-consuming introductions.
Since you are a lonely man and  have nothing to do on this Christmas Eve...what do you say Enders, would you join me?"

"I'm not sure we are talking about the same thing, Ian. A dead body driver is a Chinese legend about a priest leading a group of dead bodies back to their hometown to be buried. The priest puts a special mark on their foreheads and makes them walk into the night over mountains and forests..There was a documentary about it.. "

"Yes, that's about it..." he said and nodded wildly.
"Are you the priest?"
"No no...I am recruiting people FOR the priest.."
"You are joking right? This is London..there are no such things are dead body drivers...it is a Chinese legend I saw once on TV.."
"Why don't you come with me and find out?" Ian repeated with a wide smile.


"Go with you where exactly?"
"To meet the Driver and help to escort the bodies..it sounds kind romantic, doesn't it?"
"Why don't you load the bodies onto a truck and drive them home literally?"

"What's the fun in that?" Ian said and emptied his glass.






................................................................................................................................................................
Part 2:  Ender's Journey


  At the break of dawn on Christmas day Ian was waiting for me at the entrance of the small B&B where I was staying. He was standing in front of a wrecked yellow van, smoking a cigar.
"Merry Christmas" he said and took a deep drag before dropping the tortured, wet butt on the ground.
"Where are we going?" I asked skipping the formalities.
"North..." he said. "You'll see, you are going to like it..."
"I'm not sure about that.." I said and climbed on the yellow van which had a strong smell of tobacco and a visible layer of filth everywhere I looked.

Since it was so early and a holiday we were able to leave London behind us in no time. Ian was driving silently and I dozed off, my chin stuck on the mucky window, my cheek slapping the cold glass at every bump on the road.

More than two hours later, I felt the van stop but didn't open my eyes. I thought that if we had arrived, Ian would say so. There were a few moments of silence. The door of the van opened and something heavy and metallic was thrown inside. It made a lot of noise and so I opened my eyes just in time to see Ian sitting on the driver's seat.
"What was that?"

                                                        .                .                .

Ian went back to the van and brought out two heavy shovels, one of which was supposed to be mine.


"In order to drive them, we have to dig them out first!" he said casually and walked through the broken gate.
"They are already IN the ground, why do we have to dig them out?" I shouted running behind him, having already regretted the whole thing.

"They have unfinished business...we have to make sure they... fulfill their purpose.." he said and took out a piece of paper out of his pocket.
"Now be quite and let me find the right graves...we don't want to dig out the wrong people, do we?"
he said and walked up the hill among the half buried tomb stones.
I looked around me holding the heavy shovel in my hand thinking. If worse comes to worst, I will smash his head with the shovel, take the van, go back to London, pick up my things and run to the airport...
"This is the one!" I heard Ian shout in the distance.
Holding in the shovel in my hands I walked up the hill.



"This is the first one. "Ian said hearing my footsteps behind him.
"It is a very old grave Ian. There would nothing in there but bones...this is not how it supposed to be done..."
"Appearances don't count Enders. Now lets get to work. The whole thing must be done today."
"On Christmas? Why?"
He turned around and eyed me suspiciously.
"You ask too many questions...Don't tell me you are afraid already.."
"Where is the Dead Body Driver? Isn't he going to come?" asked gripping the shovel.
"Oh, the Driver will be here soon. Now lets start digging, shall we?"

To make matters worse, Ian pulled out of his pocket a red Santa Claus hat, placed it on his bushy hair and smiled.

"It is Christmas after all! Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle all the way.." he sang and hit the ground hard with his shovel.
I shook my head, took a deep breath and followed suit.

It didn't take us long to hit the wooden box.
"Are we going to open it?" I asked apprehensively.
"No, not yet. Let's dig out the other two. This way..."he said pointing to the right.
                                 .                    .                    .

I worked silently under the dull sky with Ian's Christmas singing in my ears never letting the heavy shovel out of my hands. I could have thrown him inside the grave he was so furiously digging at any time but I guess curiosity took the best of me.
A couple of hours later all three rotten boxes were laying on the ground side by side.
"Right on time." Ian said looking in the distance behind me.  "The Dead Body Driver is here and she's right on time!"

(photo by takeyourhatred@deviantart)

Dusk, like a veil, fell over the hill. The trees had turned into ghostly, dark silhouettes dancing mutely in the cold wind. It was as if all sound was sucked up by the cloaked, tiny figure I saw climbing up the hill. I watched her mesmerised feeling my heart fluttering like a caged bird inside my rib cage.
 Upon reaching the top, she came to a half and slowly pulled down her black hood releasing her fiery locks over her shoulders.

Amidst the falling darkness, her face was glowing.

"Hello Enders." She said to me in a soft voice though I did not see her lips move. "I am glad you came. Ian you did well."
Ian had bowed his head, his chin touching his chest and he did not look up until she stood over the boxes.
"They are ready for you my Mistress." he said.
The woman raised her eyes and pinned them in mine. Her eyes matched her hair..

"Who are you?" I muttered
"I am the Driver, Enders." she said and with wave of her hand the three boxes broke open revealing the remains of the those who had been buried decades, perhaps centuries ago.
"Why them?" I asked "Where are you supposed to take them?"
"Me?" said asked and bent down to them. "No, not me Enders. I am merely the Driver. It is you that will give the flame that will bring life back into them Enders." she said caressing the rotting limbs.
"It is you who will be the Giver on this blessed Christmas Day." she said and her eyes filled with blood which trickled down her cheeks staining her moon-like face.

"What are you?" I asked stepping back. "This is not right, you are not right. I am leaving now..."
I said and turned around to leave only to find that I hadn't moved a bit.

"What magic is this?" I asked and turned around again.
"It's Christmas magic, Enders. The most powerful kind..."the Driver said
"Ho Ho Ho." added Ian looking at me playfully.

Above the broken bones they made me lie and though I was not pinned down, I couldn't move.
She sang a Christmas song gently into my ear and then she bend low over my neck. The singing had stopped.
 ..........................................................

"Sir...SIR! WAKE UP SIR! This is not the place to sleep..."
I opened my eyes and was instantly blinded by the light around me.
"Where am I?" I whispered.
"At St. Pancras railway station, sir. Are you a passenger?"
"A passenger? No!"
I stood up, feeling very weak and numb all over. "Which city is this?" I asked.
"London, sir. Are you feeling alright, would you like me to take you to the police station?"
"No, no thank you. I'll manage."
"Happy New Year Sir, take care now.."
"Merry Christmas  you mean...It's Christmas today..."
"No." the man said slowly. "Christmas was last week. Today is New Year's Day."
"No, that can't be.." I mumbled.
"I assure you that it is. Good day sir." said the man in the uniform and walked away.